Mark McGowan and treasurer Ben Wyatt. Source: News Limited
I LOVE a good rumour almost as much as idle gossip and baseless, cruel insinuation.
I intend to build a career reporting it, so remember, you heard it first from The Ferret.
As Super Saturday nears (hey, this is the media, I have to give it some hackneyed tag) there is an uneasy realisation among some candidates that the thousands spent trying to get into the 39th Parliament may have been better placed on a random nag in the sixth at Northam.
This is causing some to turn on others, and I only encourage all you potential losers out there to leak to me. Remember, it's somebody else's fault that you're in this predicament. If you can't get elected, get even.
So let's start today's lesson with this grand statement: The next premier of this great state, discounting Emperor Colin, may not yet be in Parliament. Think about it; Christian Porter's off to Canberra, Troy Berlusconi is damaged goods and what's left of the Cabinet you couldn't raffle at the front bar of the Railway Hotel on a Friday arvo.
On that theory, the Emperor may well have (at least) six more years on the throne before they carry him out, or he steps down.
Here's my first bombshell: Crazy Brave Mark McGowan will do a fair job as leader, but Stephen Smith, Julia Gillard's Defence Minister, will either not contest the September 14 poll or lose Perth in the looming Coalition landslide and be begged by Labor heavies to be the party's next WA leader.
Plant that expanding butt of yours down right now, because here's bombshell No.2: Nats leader Brendon Grylls could be filling a plush green House of Reps seats in Canberra by year's end.
Grylls is up against popular mayor, Labor's Kelly Howlett, in the Pilbara on March 9, but what was once looking like a political masterstroke is now clearly high risk, according to my mole, who has seen recent polling. Forget Barnett's line about Grylls taking a cold shower before he contested Pilbara, Brendon may well get a bath.
But as the mole explained, if Grylls goes down, there's no better fit than the federal seat of Kalgoorlie now held by Barry McKenzie-lookalike, Liberal Barry Haas. On the state level, another Nat, Wendy Duncan, may well win the Goldfields seat on the back of the popular Royalties for Regions.
An intriguing subplot to all this is that Labor is not fighting the Liberals - that battle is lost - but is out to cripple the Nationals, and their preference in six pivotal seats confirms this. This tactic may well result in Labor gifting the Libs the Kimberley in a move that would send Broome's feral army racing off to the nearest tattooist to get their cheek tears re-etched.
The ex-Labor rat Vince Catania, who has morphed into a Nat in North-West Central, is no doubt sweating bricks.
I also hear there's much jostling over Chris Evans' vacated Senate seat, with the name Alannah MacTiernan being thrown around (again). But The Ferret would have thought you'd need a Haulpak of ammonium nitrate to dislodge the feisty old bird from her Maylands bar stool.
On another related issue, if Barnett believes Tasmanians should hire him for a year to get their economy back on track, as he joked midweek, perhaps Perth news outlets should hire The Ferret to train some of their aspiring Ed Murrows on how to get the most out of their subjects.
To be fair, it's the format that's to blame. It puts the onus and all the pressure on the questioners, rather that the questionees.
They can just sit back and watch the journos sweat blood. And where in the hell was the worm?
The result was a leaders' debate that oscillated between hilariously clumsy and eye-wateringly boring.
But hey, what would I know? I'm only a ferret.
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